Well, something happened at work yesterday that really got me frustrated with my fear issues. I found out my employee was being interviewed for a corporate promotion which I had declined (well, I was asked to apply and I said no) because I feared I wasn’t ready. It was rough.
Fortunately, today I had a good chat with my boss about the situation, and I feel quite a bit better about the decision I made a month or so ago. He was really cool about it, even said that when I did decide to go for that promotion…his strategy would be to make sure he paid me enough that I’d want to stay (I wish I could have recorded that statement). We also had a fairly frank talk about my fear issues, and about some of the things I was doing to overcome them. My eyes did water up a bit, but I wasn’t too embarrassed. We’ve known each other for 10 years now, so it was okay.
Honestly, I don’t know if I ever will be the FEARMASTER. But, I do think there is good reason to hope that things will get better. Dreaming just doesn’t make things happen. You’ve got to work for it.
I bought a couple of books last January. Read one of them cover to cover a couple of times. It was called “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.” It had some good ideas, but wasn’t the best. Too much “whenever this…do this.” Life isn’t a cookbook and we really need to write our own recipes. The other book I’ve found, which I am sad to say I have not yet finished is called “When Panic Attacks” by Dr. David Burns. I really like this book, though I must admit, it’s kind of a pain in the ass. Lot’s of writing assignments and exercises that force you to think through things for yourself, and that’s probably why I haven’t gotten very far into it. With work, buying a home (and getting accustomed to yardwork), and trying to make time for family and friends. Well, I had a lot of good excuses for putting it off.
But, the truth is, I need to sort through my thoughts. For some reason, I have beliefs that are inhibiting me from being as happy as I could be, and I really want to be happy.
So, it’s time to get to work…
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